statistics

I think there's a lot of stereotypes concerning pirates. Like how pirates always drink rum. Why not pina colodas? That's a tropical drink, and pirates are always visiting these islands with mangos and coconuts and bra-less natives, right?

Well I decided to get to the bottom of this, so I surveyed a randomly selected group of pirates and it turns out 72% prefer new Dr. Pepper Berries and Cream over any other beverage on the market.

Of course nowadays the pirate population is not as focused as it once was on pillaging ports and generally causing mischief out on the open sea. So my randomly selected group of pirates were comprised of rougly 87% ass pirates, 13% software / music pirates, and a negligible percent of sea-scavenging swashbucklers.

The overwhelming presence of ass pirates in my survey pool had an undeniable effect on the results of my research. It would seem that my impeccable study, which was fabricated off-hand, tells just as much about pirate drinking habits as it does about the dr. pepper company's newest ad campaign - which, incidentally, is absolutely nothing.

The slogan for this product, "get berried in cream," undoubtedly appeals to the ass pirate community as it appears to be ripped straight from a gay porn site I used to visit. From this we can assume that marketing in the modern world is the culprit that has lured pirates away from the standard bottle of rum and into the seductive arms of berries and cream.