I'm not going to circumnavigate the globe on a gay orgy cruise ship. I'm going to tell it to you straight.
That's right. Directly from the barrel of my knowledge revolver, through your cerebral cortex, on an unwavering path to your hippocampus, whereupon it will either become a new memory or trigger an epileptic seizure.
I want to discuss a phenomenon... Lectures: the soup kitchens for collegiates.
At the University, whenever there's some sort of speech or event that is assuredly boring as fuck, people will tack on free snacks to the end of it.
"Today we have guest lecturer Dr. Wilford Prinkmeyer, who will be discussing feeding habits of a now exctinct sea urchin and the impact of their absence from modern ecosystems. You are encouraged to attend... there will be free pizza after!"
Free pizza?! Well that changes everything! Chanellos has transformed this unbearable snoozefest into the party of the century! I'm busting out my agenda book and putting this bitch in bold, cuz there is no way I'm missing out on this shindig. Fuck! I might even get laid!
College students are pigeons, herding toward whatever old broad is throwing bread crumbs. Free food motivates us to such a degree that you'd think we're all one poorly placed bet at the dog-track away from blowing sailors for bagels.
C'mon people. You didn't hop in the Camaro when Terry the neighborhood pervert offered you a Butterfinger. Now is not the time to degrade yourself for warm pepsi and brownies.
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