it's high time

Drugs.

We all know there's plenty of situations when you shouldn't be high. Like when you're operating heavy machinery, or before taking a drug test.

But sometimes you should be high! Sometimes, being sober could be a bad thing!

What? Don't believe me? Well here's ten examples right off the top of my swirling, tripped-out head - as narrated to me by a purple midget whose nipples appear to be Werther's candies.

10. When defending the political platform of Independent gubernatorial candidate Spunky McRainbowpants - local Jelly Bean Baron.

9. When Eugene Levy, coked out of his gourd and suffering from a mental breakdown, is holding you hostage with an AK47 and a half-eaten banana, demanding that you laugh heartily at one of his "comic masterpieces".

8. When you’re asked to explain the color red.

7. When stuck with a group of Republicans for a period of time longer than 5 minutes.

6. When your husband begins explaining to you that your horse, Mr. Ed, can talk... and he's interested in a threesome.

5. When your name is Snoop Doggy Dogg.

4. When your bear-trap reveals that your quaint garden's missing radishes were absconded with, not by rabbits, but by savage gnome-people.

3. When you're fucking Larry King.

2. When your life depends on how well you can fingerpaint.

1. When your friend Bob, the reformed cannibal, makes the ambiguous statement that the brownies you just ate had "a little Mary-Jane" in them.