alter egos

Some people have alter egos... mostly personality disorder patients, but it's also something "hip" people can have.

Like Eminem, he has a cool alter ego, Slim Shady. I'm not sure what the difference between them is... but that isn't relevant. The point is this alter ego thing is badass.

I have an alter ego too, Sir Chris - level 30 Paladin. See, not quite as badass, but an alter ego nevertheless. The big difference is that Eminem can talk about his alter ego and it's cool. I start mentioning Sir Chris - level 30 Paladin and I'd be savagely beaten. Life is so unfair.

Sir Chris - level 30 Paladin is a lot like me. He tells jokes too. Maybe he multi-classed as a bard... anyway here's part of his routine:

I've been having a horrible time with relationships lately. My last girlfriend was a necromancer. Why do they call them necromancers? There's nothing romantic about bringing people back from the dead, let me tell ya! That shit is frightening. I'm no half-orc, I got out of that relationship so fast you woulda thought someone cast haste on me!

I dated a rogue before that and it was just as bad. We had a messy breakup... she stabbed me in the back!

But enough about relationships. I got this great piece of armor recently, the resists are amazing.

30% slash resist helps with all those sword-carrying psychos out there
35% fire resist works well with the dragon hunting
and then an amazing 40% blunt resist, for when teens pressure me to try drugs.

But seriously folks......

The other day I was in a pub relaxing after a hard days ogre-slayings when I overheard these two clerics talking about a troublesome fire breathing monster. So I tell them "hey, I'll lend you my sword to kill this dragon" and one of them goes "I don't have any dragon trouble! It's my mother-in-law!" Ain't it the truth...

I'll tell you what's a hard class to be... druids. Yeah, they can talk with animals and those conversations have got to suck. I dunno what I'd say to my pets... "how's your ass taste? pretty good? that's wonderful." If I was a druid though you know the first thing I'd do? Tell these birds to quit shitting on our steeds. It's ridiculous.

It's hard living nowadays... everybody wants to get into a fight! Just today I was imbibing me ale and some rowdy elf comes in and tells me I killed his father. The guy defied Tyr, what was I supposed to do? Ya know? Then the elf starts shouting to everyone in the room, "I want this man's head!" So I say "slow down sugar, why don't you buy me a few drinks first and see where we go from there?"

Everyone had a good laugh and then I eviscerated him. Tyr's will, whatcha gunna do?